Sunday, December 4, 2011

Adventure Day 12

The whole point of this "13-Day Adventure to Nowhere" was to desperately try to change the depressed emotional tailspin that occurs between Thanksgiving and December 4th.
It's Hell Week in every sense of the word.  Thanksgiving 2006 was Jena's last holiday with us, the next day her lungs collapsed, and she moved up to Heaven Monday, December 4th.

Though 5 years have past, the horrific ordeal is replayed in crystal clear clarity every "hell week."  Just seeing the date, 12/4, is a brutal reminder of the last exact date, time and second I held my baby girl.

To know me is to know I don't dwell in the negative for long.

I can't.
I won't.

"If you're going through hell...keep on going..."
Besides, that's the last place you'd want to set up shop.

Jena lived with so much zest for life that for me to be miserable for too long would be an insult to her passion of life and all the beauty it has to offer.

Jena Marie Cassalina is SO much more than "Hell Week."

And because of her, I won't dare waste a single breath if I can help it.

Eric seems to have come to terms with her moving up to heaven in his own way. He doesn't need to escape from reality and take the adventure with us.  I believe Eric has a special connection with Jena...

...and a unique perspective of it all that enables him to accept what is. Though he too is heartbroken, he has been able to live life to its fullest, not wasting it on what can't be changed. Eric is an amazing son and I learn from him everyday.

Marc and I had to find our own solution to honor Jena and survive a heartache that seems to not know time.  Last year our 'Adventure' was a great start and this year we knew we were on to something.
We knew we can't run away from the pain but rather reframed it into something adventure of sorts... with Jena guiding the way.

Call us crazy, but 'The Club' we belong to, no parent should be a member. We don't have a choice to go through this hell week but we do have a choice on how we will deal with it.

The pain of not having her to hold, hug and kiss will never cease but like Jena told us,"Pain is not a valid reason for stopping we do our best to make new memories with our "Flying J"

She has shown us that life is beautiful and yes, a fun adventure too...and we need to pay attention to the signs...
the best thing I know for sure is that LOVE NEVER ENDS and it IS the greatest gift of all...

Marc, Eric, and  I would not have made it through the day without all the love that came flooding our way either via facebook, text, email, and even phone calls.  We were amazed how many people keep Jena, and us, in their hearts. Please know that your love does help heal our hearts, more than you'll ever know...and that is why I am certain that Love Never Ends and we are never far from the ones we love.


  1. margarete, marc, eric, and jena:

    your family is truly breathtaking in every sense of the word. to see your smiling faces in these pictures, and to read the words with which margarete so eloquently describes your journey, is such a blessing and a lesson to those of who are lucky enough to know you. i actually feel jena's love and spirit in your posts. please know what we are all beside you, with you, and behind you as we continue to move through all of life's adventures -- be they beautiful, heartbreaking, or even (as you have proven time and time again) both.

    i love you guys. thank you for sharing.

  2. From one mother living this times two children with CF to another Thank you for this! I understand and it helps knowing someone else out there goes through this. Every morning I reach deep down to find the smile roll up my sleeves and tackle the day. If I didnt why would they? Motherhood is so rewarding and it is a never ending job. Thank you for sharing the highs and lows and being so honest. You have helped others more than you will ever know!